The Apocryphal Employee and Some Apocryphal Books


Nancy Davolio was a fictitious employee in the Microsoft Access 97 Northwind sample database.  Many office workers became smitten with her furtive smile and stylish hair, and while she continued to exist as an employee in later releases of the Northwind database, her employee photo changed, leading many to suspect that something untoward had happened to the real Nancy.

As most people know, "Nancy Davolio" is an anagram for "A Navy Cod Loin", which provides a hint about her origins and eventual fate.  For a list of further Nancy Davolio anagrams, I recommend the Internet Anagram Generator here, where may find more of the 1394 or so anagrams derived from Nancy’s name, for instance:

Cavil Noonday
A Viand Colony
A Divan Colony
A Vainly Condo
Canal Void Yon
Canola Nod Ivy
Canola Don Ivy

Ado Van Coy Nil
Vandal Coin Yo
Vandal Icon Yo
Vandal Coo Yin
Vandal Coy Ion
Avail Cony Nod
Avail Cony Don

And La Coy Vino
And Oval Icy On
And Oval Icy No
And Oval Cony I

Avian Cold Yon
Avian Clod Yon
Avian Doc Only
Day Van Cool In
Day Van Loco In
Day Van Con Oil

Coda Via Nylon

A Navy Cod Loin, however, seems particularly significant, inasmuch as Rabelais has a whole chapter devoted to playing on the word "cod".  Rabelais was a master of lists, as well as a master of profanity.  It has often been suggested that the French simply are much more versatile at cursing than we English speakers, and there may be some truth to this, though you don’t need to understand French to enjoy Book III Chapter 28 of Gargantua and Patagruel (since I’ve found a translation for you):

"And if so be it was preordinated for thee, wouldst thou be so impious as not to acquiesce in thy destiny? Speak, thou jaded cod.

"Faded cod. Louting cod. Appellant cod.
Mouldy cod. Discouraged cod. Swagging cod.
Musty cod. Surfeited cod. Withered cod.
Paltry cod. Peevish cod. Broken-reined cod.
Senseless cod. Translated cod. Defective cod.
Foundered cod. Forlorn cod. Crestfallen cod.
Distempered cod. Unsavoury cod. Felled cod.
Bewrayed cod. Worm-eaten cod. Fleeted cod.
Inveigled cod. Overtoiled cod. Cloyed cod.
Dangling cod. Miserable cod. Squeezed cod.
Stupid cod. Steeped cod. Resty cod.
Seedless cod. Kneaded-with-cold- Pounded cod.
Soaked cod. water cod. Loose cod.
Coldish cod. Hacked cod. Fruitless cod.
Pickled cod. Flaggy cod. Riven cod.
Churned cod. Scrubby cod. Pursy cod.
Filliped cod. Drained cod. Fusty cod.
Singlefied cod. Haled cod. Jadish cod.
Begrimed cod. Lolling cod. Fistulous cod.
Wrinkled cod. Drenched cod. Languishing cod.
Fainted cod. Burst cod. Maleficiated cod.
Extenuated cod. Stirred up cod. Hectic cod.
Grim cod. Mitred cod. Worn out cod.
Wasted cod. Peddlingly furnished Ill-favoured cod.
Inflamed cod. cod. Duncified cod.
Unhinged cod. Rusty cod. Macerated cod.
Scurfy cod. Exhausted cod. Paralytic cod.
Straddling cod. Perplexed cod. Degraded cod.
Putrefied cod. Unhelved cod. Benumbed cod.
Maimed cod. Fizzled cod. Bat-like cod.
Overlechered cod. Leprous cod. Fart-shotten cod.
Druggely cod. Bruised cod. Sunburnt cod.
Mitified cod. Spadonic cod. Pacified cod.
Goat-ridden cod. Boughty cod. Blunted cod.
Weakened cod. Mealy cod. Rankling tasted cod.
Ass-ridden cod. Wrangling cod. Rooted out cod.
Puff-pasted cod. Gangrened cod. Costive cod.
St. Anthonified cod. Crust-risen cod. Hailed on cod.
Untriped cod. Ragged cod. Cuffed cod.
Blasted cod. Quelled cod. Buffeted cod.
Cut off cod. Braggadocio cod. Whirreted cod.
Beveraged cod. Beggarly cod. Robbed cod.
Scarified cod. Trepanned cod. Neglected cod.
Dashed cod. Bedusked cod. Lame cod.
Slashed cod. Emasculated cod. Confused cod.
Enfeebled cod. Corked cod. Unsavoury cod.
Whore-hunting cod. Transparent cod. Overthrown cod.
Deteriorated cod. Vile cod. Boulted cod.
Chill cod. Antedated cod. Trod under cod.
Scrupulous cod. Chopped cod. Desolate cod.
Crazed cod. Pinked cod. Declining cod.
Tasteless cod. Cup-glassified cod. Stinking cod.
Sorrowful cod. Harsh cod. Crooked cod.
Murdered cod. Beaten cod. Brabbling cod.
Matachin-like cod. Barred cod. Rotten cod.
Besotted cod. Abandoned cod. Anxious cod.
Customerless cod. Confounded cod. Clouted cod.
Minced cod. Loutish cod. Tired cod.
Exulcerated cod. Borne down cod. Proud cod.
Patched cod. Sparred cod. Fractured cod.
Stupified cod. Abashed cod. Melancholy cod.
Annihilated cod. Unseasonable cod. Coxcombly cod.
Spent cod. Oppressed cod. Base cod.
Foiled cod. Grated cod. Bleaked cod.
Anguished cod. Falling away cod. Detested cod.
Disfigured cod. Smallcut cod. Diaphanous cod.
Disabled cod. Disordered cod. Unworthy cod.
Forceless cod. Latticed cod. Checked cod.
Censured cod. Ruined cod. Mangled cod.
Cut cod. Exasperated cod. Turned over cod.
Rifled cod. Rejected cod. Harried cod.
Undone cod. Belammed cod. Flawed cod.
Corrected cod. Fabricitant cod. Froward cod.
Slit cod. Perused cod. Ugly cod.
Skittish cod. Emasculated cod. Drawn cod.
Spongy cod. Roughly handled cod. Riven cod.
Botched cod. Examined cod. Distasteful cod.
Dejected cod. Cracked cod. Hanging cod.
Jagged cod. Wayward cod. Broken cod.
Pining cod. Haggled cod. Limber cod.
Deformed cod. Gleaning cod. Effeminate cod.
Mischieved cod. Ill-favoured cod. Kindled cod.
Cobbled cod. Pulled cod. Evacuated cod.
Embased cod. Drooping cod. Grieved cod.
Ransacked cod. Faint cod. Carking cod.
Despised cod. Parched cod. Disorderly cod.
Mangy cod. Paltry cod. Empty cod.
Abased cod. Cankered cod. Disquieted cod.
Supine cod. Void cod. Besysted cod.
Mended cod. Vexed cod. Confounded cod.
Dismayed cod. Bestunk cod. Hooked cod.
Divorous cod. Winnowed cod. Unlucky cod.
Wearied cod. Decayed cod. Sterile cod.
Sad cod. Disastrous cod. Beshitten cod.
Cross cod. Unhandsome cod. Appeased cod.
Vain-glorious cod. Stummed cod. Caitiff cod.
Poor cod. Barren cod. Woeful cod.
Brown cod. Wretched cod. Unseemly cod.
Shrunken cod. Feeble cod. Heavy cod.
Abhorred cod. Cast down cod. Weak cod.
Troubled cod. Stopped cod. Prostrated cod.
Scornful cod. Kept under cod. Uncomely cod.
Dishonest cod. Stubborn cod. Naughty cod.
Reproved cod. Ground cod. Laid flat cod.
Cocketed cod. Retchless cod. Suffocated cod.
Filthy cod. Weather-beaten cod. Held down cod.
Shred cod. Flayed cod. Barked cod.
Chawned cod. Bald cod. Hairless cod.
Short-winded cod. Tossed cod. Flamping cod.
Branchless cod. Flapping cod. Hooded cod.
Chapped cod. Cleft cod. Wormy cod.
Failing cod. Meagre cod.
Deficient cod. Dumpified cod. Faulty cod.
Lean cod. Suppressed cod. Bemealed cod.
Consumed cod. Hagged cod. Mortified cod.
Used cod. Jawped cod. Scurvy cod.
Puzzled cod. Havocked cod. Bescabbed cod.
Allayed cod. Astonished cod. Torn cod.
Spoiled cod. Dulled cod. Subdued cod.
Clagged cod. Slow cod. Sneaking cod.
Palsy-stricken cod. Plucked up cod. Bare cod.
Amazed cod. Constipated cod. Swart cod.
Bedunsed cod. Blown cod. Smutched cod.
Extirpated cod. Blockified cod. Raised up cod.
Banged cod. Pommelled cod. Chopped cod.
Stripped cod. All-to-bemauled cod. Flirted cod.
Hoary cod. Fallen away cod. Blained cod.
Blotted cod. Stale cod. Rensy cod.
Sunk in cod. Corrupted cod. Frowning cod.
Ghastly cod. Beflowered cod. Limping cod.
Unpointed cod. Amated cod. Ravelled cod.
Beblistered cod. Blackish cod. Rammish cod.
Wizened cod. Underlaid cod. Gaunt cod.
Beggar-plated cod. Loathing cod. Beskimmered cod.
Douf cod. Ill-filled cod. Scraggy cod.
Clarty cod. Bobbed cod. Lank cod.
Lumpish cod. Mated cod. Swashering cod.
Abject cod. Tawny cod. Moiling cod.
Side cod. Whealed cod. Swinking cod.
Choked up cod. Besmeared cod. Harried cod.
Backward cod. Hollow cod. Tugged cod.
Prolix cod. Pantless cod. Towed cod.
Spotted cod. Guizened cod. Misused cod.
Crumpled cod. Demiss cod. Adamitical cod.
Frumpled cod. Refractory cod."

Rabelais is also famous for his list of apocryphal books, of which here are a few:

In his abode there he found the library of St. Victor a very stately and magnific one, especially in some books which were there, of which followeth the Repertory and Catalogue, Et primo,

The for Godsake of Salvation.
The Codpiece of the Law.
The Slipshoe of the Decretals.
The Pomegranate of Vice.
The Clew-bottom of Theology.
The Duster or Foxtail-flap of Preachers, composed by Turlupin.
The Churning Ballock of the Valiant.
The Henbane of the Bishops.
Marmotretus de baboonis et apis, cum Commento Dorbellis.
Decretum Universitatis Parisiensis super gorgiasitate muliercularum
  ad placitum.
The Apparition of Sancte Geltrude to a Nun of Poissy, being in
  travail at the bringing forth of a child.
Ars honeste fartandi in societate, per Marcum Corvinum (Ortuinum).
The Mustard-pot of Penance.
The Gamashes, alias the Boots of Patience.
Formicarium artium.
De brodiorum usu, et honestate quartandi, per Sylvestrem Prioratem
The Cosened or Gulled in Court.
The Frail of the Scriveners.
The Marriage-packet.
The Cruizy or Crucible of Contemplation.
The Flimflams of the Law.
The Prickle of Wine.
The Spur of Cheese.
Ruboffatorium (Decrotatorium) scholarium.
Tartaretus de modo cacandi.
The Bravades of Rome.
Bricot de Differentiis Browsarum.
The Tailpiece-Cushion, or Close-breech of Discipline.
The Cobbled Shoe of Humility.
The Trivet of good Thoughts.
The Kettle of Magnanimity.
The Cavilling Entanglements of Confessors.
The Snatchfare of the Curates.
Reverendi patris fratris Lubini, provincialis Bavardiae, de gulpendis
  lardslicionibus libri tres.
Pasquilli Doctoris Marmorei, de capreolis cum artichoketa comedendis,
  tempore Papali ab Ecclesia interdicto.
The Invention of the Holy Cross, personated by six wily Priests.
The Spectacles of Pilgrims bound for Rome.
Majoris de modo faciendi puddinos.
The Bagpipe of the Prelates.
Beda de optimitate triparum.
The Complaint of the Barristers upon the Reformation of Comfits.
The Furred Cat of the Solicitors and Attorneys.
Of Peas and Bacon, cum Commento.
The Small Vales or Drinking Money of the Indulgences.
Praeclarissimi juris utriusque Doctoris Maistre Pilloti, &c.,
  Scrap-farthingi de botchandis glossae Accursianae Triflis repetitio
Stratagemata Francharchiaeri de Baniolet.
Carlbumpkinus de Re Militari cum Figuris Tevoti.
De usu et utilitate flayandi equos et equas, authore Magistro nostro
  de Quebecu.
The Sauciness of Country-Stewards.
M.N. Rostocostojambedanesse de mustarda post prandium servienda,
  libri quatuordecim, apostillati per M. Vaurillonis.
The Covillage or Wench-tribute of Promoters.
(Jabolenus de Cosmographia Purgatorii.)
Quaestio subtilissima, utrum Chimaera in vacuo bonbinans possit
  comedere secundas intentiones; et fuit debatuta per decem
  hebdomadas in Consilio Constantiensi.
The Bridle-champer of the Advocates.
Smutchudlamenta Scoti.
The Rasping and Hard-scraping of the Cardinals.
De calcaribus removendis, Decades undecim, per M. Albericum de Rosata.
Ejusdem de castramentandis criminibus libri tres.
The Entrance of Anthony de Leve into the Territories of Brazil.
(Marforii, bacalarii cubantis Romae) de peelandis aut unskinnandis
  blurrandisque Cardinalium mulis.
The said Author’s Apology against those who allege that the Pope’s
  mule doth eat but at set times.
Prognosticatio quae incipit, Silvii Triquebille, balata per M.N., the
  deep-dreaming gull Sion.
Boudarini Episcopi de emulgentiarum profectibus Aeneades novem,
  cum privilegio Papali ad triennium et postea non.
The Shitabranna of the Maids.
The Bald Arse or Peeled Breech of the Widows.
The Cowl or Capouch of the Monks.
The Mumbling Devotion of the Celestine Friars.
The Passage-toll of Beggarliness.
The Teeth-chatter or Gum-didder of Lubberly Lusks.
The Paring-shovel of the Theologues.
The Drench-horn of the Masters of Arts.
The Scullions of Olcam, the uninitiated Clerk.
Magistri N. Lickdishetis, de garbellisiftationibus horarum canonicarum,
  libri quadriginta.
Arsiversitatorium confratriarum, incerto authore.
The Gulsgoatony or Rasher of Cormorants and Ravenous Feeders.
The Rammishness of the Spaniards supergivuregondigaded by Friar Inigo.
The Muttering of Pitiful Wretches.
Dastardismus rerum Italicarum, authore Magistro Burnegad.
R. Lullius de Batisfolagiis Principum.
Calibistratorium caffardiae, authore M. Jacobo Hocstraten hereticometra.
Codtickler de Magistro nostrandorum Magistro nostratorumque beuvetis,
  libri octo galantissimi.
The Crackarades of Balists or stone-throwing Engines, Contrepate
  Clerks, Scriveners, Brief-writers, Rapporters, and Papal
  Bull-despatchers lately compiled by Regis.
A perpetual Almanack for those that have the gout and the pox.
Manera sweepandi fornacellos per Mag. Eccium.
The Shable or Scimetar of Merchants.
The Pleasures of the Monarchal Life.
The Hotchpot of Hypocrites.
The History of the Hobgoblins.
The Ragamuffinism of the pensionary maimed Soldiers.
The Gulling Fibs and Counterfeit shows of Commissaries.
The Litter of Treasurers.
The Juglingatorium of Sophisters.
Antipericatametanaparbeugedamphicribrationes Toordicantium.
The Periwinkle of Ballad-makers.
The Push-forward of the Alchemists.
The Niddy-noddy of the Satchel-loaded Seekers, by Friar Bindfastatis.
The Shackles of Religion.
The Racket of Swag-waggers.
The Leaning-stock of old Age.
The Muzzle of Nobility.
The Ape’s Paternoster.
The Crickets and Hawk’s-bells of Devotion.
The Pot of the Ember-weeks.
The Mortar of the Politic Life.
The Flap of the Hermits.
The Riding-hood or Monterg of the Penitentiaries.
The Trictrac of the Knocking Friars.
Blockheadodus, de vita et honestate bragadochiorum.
Lyrippii Sorbonici Moralisationes, per M. Lupoldum.
The Carrier-horse-bells of Travellers.
The Bibbings of the tippling Bishops.
Dolloporediones Doctorum Coloniensium adversus Reuclin.
The Cymbals of Ladies.
The Dunger’s Martingale.
Whirlingfriskorum Chasemarkerorum per Fratrem Crackwoodloguetis.
The Clouted Patches of a Stout Heart.
The Mummery of the Racket-keeping Robin-goodfellows.
Gerson, de auferibilitate Papae ab Ecclesia.
The Catalogue of the Nominated and Graduated Persons.
Jo. Dytebrodii, terribilitate excommunicationis libellus acephalos.
Ingeniositas invocandi diabolos et diabolas, per M. Guingolphum.
The Hotchpotch or Gallimaufry of the perpetually begging Friars.
The Morris-dance of the Heretics.
The Whinings of Cajetan.
Muddisnout Doctoris Cherubici, de origine Roughfootedarum, et
  Wryneckedorum ritibus, libri septem.
Sixty-nine fat Breviaries.
The Nightmare of the five Orders of Beggars.
The Skinnery of the new Start-ups extracted out of the fallow-butt,
  incornifistibulated and plodded upon in the angelic sum.
The Raver and idle Talker in cases of Conscience.
The Fat Belly of the Presidents.
The Baffling Flouter of the Abbots.
Sutoris adversus eum qui vocaverat eum Slabsauceatorem, et quod
  Slabsauceatores non sunt damnati ab Ecclesia.
Cacatorium medicorum.
The Chimney-sweeper of Astrology.
Campi clysteriorum per paragraph C.
The Bumsquibcracker of Apothecaries.
The Kissbreech of Chirurgery.
Justinianus de Whiteleperotis tollendis.
Antidotarium animae.
Merlinus Coccaius, de patria diabolorum.
The Practice of Iniquity, by Cleuraunes Sadden.
The Mirror of Baseness, by Radnecu Waldenses.
The Engrained Rogue, by Dwarsencas Eldenu.
The Merciless Cormorant, by Hoxinidno the Jew.

I wonder if Nancy Davolio has read any of these books.

If you happen to be curious about some of the Latin titles, the Decretum Universitatis Parisiensis super gorgiasitate muliercularum ad placitum translates as The Decree of the University of Paris which Permits Young Ladies to Bare Their Throats at Will.   Campi clysteriorum per is The Field of Enemas.  The Cacatorium medicorum is The Doctor’s Chamberpot.

There are also apocryphal computer books, of course, which, oddly enough, I have the feeling I have read before.  Graham Nelson cites Tedium and Gnawfinger’s Elements of Batch Processing in COBOL-66: third edition and Mr Blobby’s Blobby Book of Computer Fun (h/t @ Paul).

I might also add to the list The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Multithreaded Applications, How Agile Will Make You So Productive The Code Will Write Itself, and Essential Project Management: Lying to the people under you, Lying to the people above you, and Making it all work out.

2 thoughts on “The Apocryphal Employee and Some Apocryphal Books”

  1. I really like to read book, I always search for this types of blog post which can help me to enjoy to read the book, Those translation information is really very good point and it might be essential who is addicted to read book. Please keep informing us with such topics and I am eagerly waiting for this type of post.

  2. From the assertions and discussion on The Apocryphal Employee and Some Apocryphal Books you might need to do a follow up posting. There are a couple of matters not covered from my current scanning. I’m direct and fair, that way everyone experiences what I feel.

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